Sexyat40

Here’s a theme that seems to be come up alot. Women, kids, sexuality. Guys are more sensitive than they let on. And they feel, whether they admit it or not, that they are pushed to the side, especially sexually, when kids enter the picture. And not just babies, but even teens. As women, we enter “Mommy Mode”, where we are pulled in ten different directions, and have little people that are dependent on us for their physical and emotional needs. More than draining, it comes to a point where we are sacrificing more of ourselves than we think we can give. The most severe “Mommy Mode” lasts until the youngest kids are about 10. As they start to gain independence, we gain a little more time to ourselves. But we still retain a little guilt on using some time to pamper ourselves.

 That’s just how we are hard wired. Kids even come before the woman herself. And, on top of that, we are raised to have a certain expectation of how a Mom should act. And our husbands expecting us being a sexual tigress after changing diapers and running kids all over town are not very compatible. It’s not how a Mom is supposed to act.

 Being in Mommy mode, women don’t often  properly take care of themselves, and not just physically. They don’t have time to care for themselves, it’s a job that you have to work 24/7. There’s even a guilt factor in taking a simple pleasure like  a long bath.

 The only way it goes away is when the kids are old enough to be independent, and require less attention. Then, by default, a woman starts to realize how much she has neglected herself.  Many times, she doesn’t even realize she was in Mommy Mode. I think it’s part of the reason a woman doesn’t reach her sexual peak until her late thirties, early fourties. It’s nature’s way of keeping priorities.

 And yes, this is a time that men can deviate from the plan, looking for a way to explore, and not feel they are sitting on the sidelines. They usually look at porn online, and it goes no further. But let’s be honest here, some guys do go the steps further and look elsewhere for physical and emotional support. And the emotional support thing is the one that seems to hurt even more.

 Personally, I don’t think we should get our back up or jump off the deep end when we see our spouses online looking a naked pics of women. And I do have other beliefs on men straying, thats for much later. But we do need to learn to take better care of ourselves and add our spouses into the mix a little more.

 There’s no reason we can’t create a schedule and take a certain time to put ourselves first. We deserve it. Our mental and physical health needs a set break to take a nice nap, followed by a nice quiet bubble bath, and a few hours of being pampered by our mates.

And at first it seems rather gratuitous and selfish to send the kids off to the in-laws for a night, while you are home thinking about nothing but yourself. It’s even hard to enjoy it at first. And I’ll bet anything that once you do learn to relax, you fall asleep early! It’s just another sign of how much you needed the break. Enjoy it, and don’t treat it as a dissapointment or a waste of time. After a bit, you’ll find the routine with no TV, and no kids, to sit back and learn to enjoy a few hours of just talking and laughing with your spouse, talking about yourselves and not the kids or how many loads of laundry you need to still get done.

We need to reprogram ourselves, and understand that we can’t be our best for our kids or our spouses unless we take care of ourselves first.

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